I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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