Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
