i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
