Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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