I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
