I just made out with a guy for $7.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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