My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
