Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
