I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
