but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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