i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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