How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
