Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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