would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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