Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
