I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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