1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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