I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Two words: nipple clamps
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