Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
