Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize