we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
