Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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