I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
