Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize