U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
