New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
