My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
