She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
