You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
