if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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