Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am available for nakedness
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
