I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
