I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
