I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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