Pappa wants mamma naked
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
