did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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