Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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