I didn't shave. On purpose
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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