i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
