Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can I color on your dick again?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
