K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
