Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
