Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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