...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
