you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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