she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
