I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
