Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
