when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sext me about skeletons
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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