I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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