LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
