he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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