That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
