Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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