I'm pants shitting drunk right now
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
