1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
