Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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