wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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