I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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