that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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