real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
