I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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